There is an old joke that goes ”A man dies and goes to hell. When he gets there Satan takes him for a walk to show him around and allows him to decide where he wants to spend eternity. The first door opens and he sees a man suspended upside down with his head neck deep in dog crap. The man shakes his head, no; he does not want to spend eternity like that. The next door opens and he sees a man burning alive over and over again in fire. Again the man shakes his head, no; he doest not want to spend eternity like that. The last door opens and he sees Bill Clinton being serviced by Monica Lewinsky. “Ah, now that’s more like it, I would like to spend eternity here” says the man. The devil turns to Monica Lewinsky and says “ok Monica get up, someone wants to take over servicing Bill for you.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen is how every Jets fan in America feels about this upcoming Super Bowl between the Giants and Patriots.
First off, hats of to the Giants and Patriots, two well run organizations who make the right moves on a weekly and annual basis to always be in contention.
Back to the Jets. There is no easy way out, no shortcut home in these playoffs for the Jets. These playoffs are going the distance between the Jets two most hated rivals. In one corner you have the straight A’s, never late, never make a mistake, tattle tell kid you want to stuff in his locker Tom Brady led Patriots. In the other corner you have the arrogant, putrid, we still call it Giants Stadium, don’t worry we don’t hate the Jets we just think are a second class franchise front running Giants fans who seem to rush out of their closets this time of year if their team is in the playoffs. Both extend their hands to you to the only two bandwagons left in town.
So what will it be Jets fans? Let’s take stock of the situation:
- Shaun Ellis, former Jet, is on the Patriots and if they win he finally gets a well deserved Super Bowl Victory. (Good Pats +1)
-Shaun Ellis, former Jet, is on the Patriots. (Bad Shaun, Bad Pats-1)
-The Giants are from New York and in the end rooting for New York should be above all else. (Good Giants +1)
- The Giants are from New York and Giants fans will only get more arrogant and annoying if they win their second Super Bowl in 5 years over a team the Jets cannot win the division from (Bad Giants -2)
- If you live in New York, most of your friends are Giants fans and they will be happy. (Good Giants+1)
- Most of your friends are Giants fans and make comments about Mark Sanchez being a bad QB or about Rex Ryan’s foot issue (Bad Giants -1)
- The Jets beat the Pats in Foxboro last year and have been very successful against them since Ryan took over, dulling the hate somewhat. (Good Pats +1)
- The Fonz, in an act of defiance bet both the Giants and Pats to make it to the Super Bowl last week, thereby negating the downside of a Giants-Pats Super Bowl. (Push)
- It’s much easier to like Eli Manning than Tom Brady since Eli looks like he’s, well, you know. (Giants +1)
- You cannot hate Rob Gronkowksi, only be in awe of him. (Pats +1)
The net result leaves us with the Pats ahead by 2 after all available information is tallied. And then there is a (Bad Pats -2) because they are the $%%^&& Patriots and %%^& them. So it’s a push because lets face it, there is no real winner here for the Jets fans unless there is a slew of career ending injuries that happen to both sides in this game. Any Jets fan who tells you he is ok with rooting for the Giants was not at the Christmas Eve game this past year. Giants fans were loud, rude and obnoxious once the Giants took the lead and made it clear how they felt about the Jets, it was not pretty. Giants fans say they don’t mind the Jets for one reason, they don’t feel they are on the same level as the Giants. Thats not respect, thats disrespect. I would rather they just all hate the Jets, because that would mean the Jets are winning. And Jets fans who say they can root for the Giants? Closet frontrunners who wear Giants blue tshirts underneath their Wayne Chrebet jerseys all year long. You can keep em. They weren’t built for the agony of being a true Jets fan.
So yes, Rex Ryan and the Jets have driven us to this, deciding between our two most hated rivals in the game that we were supposed to be playing in a few months ago and hoping for horse collar tackles, late hits on the quarterback and long commercial breaks. Three years of not kissing rings and not being the little brother in NY finds the Jets and their faithful right back where they where in 2007, on the outside looking in. But this time there is no Patriots winning streak to root against, no real reason for any Jets fans to root for either team. So there is only one clear response to this. Skip the game. Don’t help the ratings, don’t buy the newspapers or magazines in the weeks leading up to it, don’t allow one cent of your hard earned money go towards supporting this spectacle. As the players and owners have been saying about football, “it’s a business.” So why spend money and time watching a game that will further tear your heart out? If a tree falls in the forest and Santonio Holmes was on the bench for being a jerk, was there really ever a Super Bowl?
Time to dig in Jets fans. The long hard winter is where the championships are won. The Jets have a deep draft coming up with a slew of picks. Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez needed this. They needed to be bruised, shot at, body slammed and brought to reckoning by not only the NY media but also the reality of what surrounds them. If they don’t get it done, someone else will, and that team is in its own backyard. The good vibes are gone from back to back AFC Championship appearances. They were both extinguished one by one yesterday by our two most heated rivals as they each moved past the second place game and into the only game that really matters. The Super Bowl for the 2011 season may still two weeks away but the clock is already ticking on the 2012 Jets.
As for the Fonz and his plans for the Super Bowl? I heard Mission Impossible 4 is playing and is pretty good. Sounds appropriate for what the Jets are facing next season. Does this sound bitter? You bet. This was supposed to be our year and not only is it not, we have front row seats to what could have been. Same old Jets indeed.
Suck it Billy Cundiff, Suck it Lee Evans and suuuuuck it Kyle Williams!This could have all been over if any of you had done your job!